Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
