He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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