I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
