considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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