Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
