Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
