If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
