she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
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