Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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