Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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