In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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