I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I had to cum in my sink.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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