Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
