something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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