Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
