I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I need water and some morals
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
