is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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