Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
