Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
