Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
