quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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