I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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