What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
