By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
