saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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