I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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