I seem to have left my pride at pride
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
