next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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