Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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