why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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