Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
