I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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