Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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