i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
