I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
