Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
