I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
