You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
