I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
