yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
