Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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