I heard we made out
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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