im having a threesome with these popsicles
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
