He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
