just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
