Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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