We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
