the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
