so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
