i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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