Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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