Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
