Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
