i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Congratulations! We have a period
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
