he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
